I sincerity

on assertività, BLOG, Coaching 5 Nov, 2015

Io sincerità

September 2001. I was in Milan with a friend/colleague of mine, and, in the evening, we went to a "smart" restaurant near our hotel. The place was almost empty and, soon after ordering, a couple consisting of an Italian man of about eighty and a young handsome Russian girl came and sat right next to us. Apart from a fleeting glance at the "odd couple" - strange for the flashy and colourful clothes of the man and for the almost nonexistent ones of the woman, more than for the distance of age - me and my friend kept talking, until the tone of their conversation became bitter and agitated. At that point, as the arguments between us were finished and the distance between the tables was less than twenty centimetres, we started listening ...

We were able to understand that the girl had been hired as a caregiver of the man's wife and, once the lady deceased, she remained at home as fiancée of the widowed. The man filled her with attention and fashionable clothes (of skimpy fashionable clothes, indeed...), demanding, in return, attention and affection. The girl, raising her voice and watching over us with an attitude that I interpreted as a mixture of shame, discomfort and claim, countered by saying that she hated his insistence and she was looking for younger companies. Then, almost as if she was just talking to us, she began to tell episodes, that made the old man visibly sad, to the point that he almost ceased to argue, with a voice that got more and more feeble.

Eventually, the girl said, "You make me sick! I sincerity." With this sentence, we asked for the bill and left, very upset.

"I sincerity". Because sincerity is worth, if I badly spit on you a truth that hurts, it overrides the value of sincerity. As in a perverse syllogism, I was sincere, not offensive nor tactless; I was sincere, then good, because ... "I sincerity".

I spoke about this matter last week with a coachee, who firmly believed that his fifty-five years, and his greying hair authorised him to underline any error to anyone, regardless of the tone. Obviously, this attitude had a heavy impact on the climate of teams and meetings, but the coachee considered this as a secondary unimportant "side effects", compared to his right to openness and little patience, gained on the field. I speak of a very brilliant leader, who gave me great satisfaction in the process of acquiring consciousness that sincerity, honesty, directness and assertiveness may serve as well as may wound, according to the way we exercise them.

In short: "I sincerity" not at all!

How many times have you assisted to a conversation, which turned into a proceeding?

How many times did they treat you badly, waving the banner of "good cause"?

How did you feel?

How do you manage your desire of sincerity in your feedback?






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