A recipe to change your life: protect from negative people

on BLOG, Career Coaching, Coaching, transformation 17 gen, 2013

Ricetta da coach per cambiare vita: proteggersi dalle persone negative

To stay with positive people: here you are one of the main tricks to change life for the better and take control of your energy. On the other way round: to protect from negative people.

It seems a superfluous advice, but I invite you to reflect on how many friends or relatives you continue to meet and bear, despite their black mood, their depressive and depressed vision of life. I bet you have more than one!

Now try to remember a recent conversation with one of them, at the end of which you were off, full of doubts, without the smile – true or figurative – that you had earlier. Don’t tell me that this has never happened to you!
First of all, let’s define the negativity: in this context it’s synonymous of closure, defence, mistrust, lack of curiosity, of a frequently aggressive view. A contagious vision, that leaves us impoverished ... From the point of view of the language, it is a sequence of "no", "cannot", "should not", "as usual", "I told you," "but" and of course of negative evaluations.

Normally, negativity is an effect and/or an aspect of fear. I think to myself: my deep fear of sharks may be normal in some extent and in a given context (for instance, in the open sea), protecting me from acting imprudently. But fearing an attack by a white shark walking in the city centre or having the same physical reactions at the simple thought of a shark would be useless and not normal. The point is right here: there are people – which we have called in this post "negative" – that just think without a break that their shark is just around the corner. They do it because they love adrenaline, because in the past they have been really attacked or simply because they have nothing better to do.

In reality, they sabotage themselves, also because the mechanism works very well: if one focuses only on negative aspects of a person or situation, will always find some defects. In this way, one gets a confirmation of own way of thinking, reinforcing the vicious circle. But to change life and approach to problems and people is possible.

Having said that, let's go back to the recipe.

Firstly: let’s identify the negative people in our lives. Friends, colleagues, relatives, acquaintances or even our partners.

Secondly, once clarified who are the carriers of negativity, let’s limit our exposure to them as much as possible. That not to make a clean sweep but in order to improve our and their lives.

In some cases the change of behaviour will be quite easy, for example when the negative person is a colleague, an acquaintance or a neighbour. And if the negative figures were your partner, your father, your son, or a very important friend? Where there are strong links or feelings, it’ll not be easy and I would be irresponsible if I suggested to sever ties. But you have any way to protect yourself and, if you managed to show them a positive example of openness, you would do a favour to yourself and to them.

How? Everyone can find his own tactics; for example, when you see the negative wave, keeping calm and rejecting any criticism, you could say “today I will not let me spoil my mood: when you feel better and you're ready to talk calmly and openly, just shout: I’m here”. Big smile. I speak from experience: it works. Maybe not the first time (someone could get upset and attack), but already at the second attempt something will change for the better.

Whom will you try the recipe with?

What limits you from putting it into practice?

How would your life be if the negative presences veered to positive?

You have applied my hints; what are your feedbacks?

 

 

 

 

 

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